This Girl Needs A Man

Delaney turned 3 years old today! She is fun, goofy, and spontaneous. She loves dressing up as a "superhero dancer girl with glasses."

I am amazed at how much this girl wants to be held, snuggled, kissed, and looked at. Sometimes I just stare at her, just a few inches from her face, and she stares right back at me. She craves attention from her daddy.

And I know, as her father, that I need to give her that attention. I need her to feel loved and cherished by the man in her life. Me. I show her what it is like to be a woman based on how I treat Jen, and I show her what it is like to be loved in a way that Jen cannot. I set her up for a future, feeling safe and secure knowing that there is a man in her life who loves her, protects her, and makes her feel like I would do anything for her.

As I stare into her eyes, inches away, her smile beaming brighter and brighter the longer I hold her gaze, I see a teenager. I see a young woman. I see a future wife. When Delaney says "Kiss me again, Daddy!" I immediately think about how many dads neglect their little girls and then they look for love in other men out there willing to give it to them. The difference is that other men want something in return, whereas I just love her because she is my daughter. So I kiss her again.

This little 3 year old will not be a goofy superhero dancer girl with glasses forever. She will develop into a butterfly and flutter out of my grasp at the time when God says "it's time." And I'll have to let her go. I just hope and pray that God will give me the strength to be the best dad I can be for her. That I will give her enough kisses that she will not need to look for them in men who want to take advantage of her. That I will balance love and discipline in a way that God balances it perfectly with us, His own sons and daughters. That I will be a diligent father with the limited time I have with her and trust in the path God has for her with the rest.

I love you, Delaney-Bug! Happy birthday!

Memories

This blog has evolved quite a bit since I started it in 2006. I began writing as a single guy right out of college, forming my opinions about life, and growing in maturity (as if I ever really completely reach maturity!). My hope for the future is that it becomes something more.

My first posts here were about movies, politics, tv shows, and other silly things I don't care to post about as much anymore. As I deepened my theological beliefs, I connected it with the world around me as best as I could. I look back on those musings now and realize they were essential for growth and understanding the culture I was in.

The next phase of this blog transitioned into my engagement with Jen, getting married, and realizing the depth of my pride. This was definitely a time of adjustment as my selfishness was being displayed to my spouse every day. We didn't know where our future was headed as we moved from Seattle to Portland, didn't have solid jobs, and were at an all-time low on cash.

It was then that God put teaching on my heart. I worked at the YMCA doing after school care, and my desire to work in the classroom was overwhelming. I filled this blog with posts about funny kid quotes, educating others (including my most popular post about educating others about my birth defect, Poland Syndrome), my opinions (and Jen's) about all the crappy parenting we see, and how I planned to make a difference.

As I began working on my Masters degree, I started Riedlteach.com, blogged about children's books, shared what I was learning, and began teaching at a variety of public schools. I was confident in my God-given abilities to connect with my students, but was still just getting my feet wet. ...Fewer blog posts.

At home, Jen and I welcomed Nolan into the world. Balancing my first few of years teaching, being a husband, and being a father taught me to prioritize and learn. A lot. I realized that at that time of my life, blogging was just not going to happen. ...Even fewer posts.

Our rough experience in Ontario, Oregon, really put the last nail in the coffin for this blog. This post was sitting on the front page for a long time. God really has put our family through a lot these past few years. I'm glad, too. We trust in Him more because life isn't supposed to be easy.

Now, I'm realizing that in this next phase of life, I don't want to forget the good and bad memories my family is working through every day. I want to resurrect this blog and start sharing again. As the years fly by with a steady job and kids growing like weeds, it can easily slip away. I hope to use this blog as a way to record memories, share experiences, and look back on what is most important.

Merry Christmas and Hopefully A Happy New Year

A lot has happened over the past few years, and my wife and I have grown distant from each other. We have continued to kiss each other every day, when I give her a peck when I come home from work. Many married couples understand when talking about losing the excitement and romance since the newlywed years. It probably has something to do with having kids, but this is different. We have been struggling with being connected to each other, which has nothing to do with excitement or romance but everything to do with having a healthy marriage.

It all happened very gradually. When it was just the two of us, Jen and I had lots of time to devote to each other as well as to ourselves. When Nolan came along, we had less time for each other, but it was still okay because if one of us was holding him then the other got a break. Since Delaney was born a year ago, our marriage has been tested like no other. If both kids were crying, then both of our hands were full and nobody got a break.

It was worse when I came home late from an exhausting day at work, fell asleep on the couch, and expected my wife to be in love with me. My view of things was very skewed and I didn't realize it. I felt like I was working extremely hard as the provider, while Jen felt like a single mom.

We never gave up on each other, but it was beginning to feel like a hopeless, lifeless, bitter marriage.

I have been trying hard to figure out how to be a better man for my wife. Since we have been feeling disconnected, I attempted to change a little of this and a little of that, hoping that she would fall in love with me again. Nothing seemed to work, I couldn't figure out why, and I often became frustrated with her because I felt like I was always the one working at our marriage.

My eyes were finally opened several days ago. God used this Christmas break to show me how blind I was. I finally decided to put together a little chart to show her everything I was doing and everything she wasn't doing. I ended up realizing that she felt like a single mom because she really was doing the majority of the work once I got home. I expected her to think I was the best husband in the world because I would surprise her by changing a diaper or doing the dishes without her even asking me to! However, looking at this chart I made, it made sense for us to split the duties 50/50 once I got home. So, all these times I thought I was loving her extra, she felt like I was finally starting to pull my weight a little... and that wasn't even nearly enough.

Now, we split the chores 50/50 when I am at home, she feels more supported, I already feel like she admires me more, and we both feel more connected. I think it's going to be a good year.

Jehovah Jireh

"The Lord will provide" is what Jehovah Jireh means. Sometimes it is difficult to refer to God as Jehovah Jireh, however. Does He really provide for us? Or do we provide for ourselves?

39 days ago, Jen and I experienced something that has given us assurance to know that God should definitely be called Jehovah Jireh. He provides for us.

Our whole marriage has been a struggle financially. We moved to Portland from Seattle after being married only six months. Jen worked low wages and I found minimum wage work as we slowly used up our savings. I eventually took out loans and went back to school to get my masters degree in teaching. This was bad timing to be looking for a teaching position, as most school districts were making budget cuts and laying off teachers. I was eventually offered a full-time job teaching in Ontario, Oregon, so we moved our little family of three to the small town on the border to Idaho.

We thought it would be easier to pay the bills with my new teaching position, but we were wrong. We both wanted Jen to work at home raising Nolan, but didn't have any experience with the strain of having only one spouse bring home an income. The money we had saved when we were both working disappeared in our move from Portland and with each month of additional bills. We worked hard to be responsible and tried our best to cut expenses, rarely going out to eat and even starting to coupon with every trip to the grocery store. But we still were losing money each month.

The point of me writing all of this is about money. ...Duh... Not about how little we have, but about how much we were giving away. Over the past four years of marriage, we kept telling each other that we didn't have enough money to pay bills and also give 10% tithe or offering to church. So we didn't give. Well, not much. Maybe 10 bucks a month or something ridiculously convenient for us. We kept telling ourselves that because we didn't have enough money, we could give our time instead. So we served. We spent a lot of our time serving in the children's ministry instead of giving money.

This leads me to what happened 39 days ago. We are sitting with a cranky, fidgety Nolan on Sunday morning listening to our pastor's message about money. He starts talking about how the church budget had literally run dry. He told us, like so many times we've heard before, that God will provide the money even though we had not been meeting the monthly budgets to pay the church bills.

Up until this point, Jen and I both wanted to tithe enough for it to be giving Him the opportunity to provide for us. We wanted to actually trust God rather than just trying to make ends meet on our own. And we were in no position to do this. The minimum payments on our student loans were almost 50% of our monthly bills. Thinking about this statistic, I knew that we didn't have much hope for fixing this problem ourselves. I certainly knew I didn't want Jen to go back to work and have to put Nolan in daycare. We wanted to trust God with our finances for the first time in our lives. We didn't even have to discuss it...after the service, we both had the same conviction to give 10% of our income to the church, even when there was no way we could afford it. We were trusting that God would do something.

It only took 24 hours for God to work! The next day I heard from a friend about a plan that Obama was trying to pass that helped out graduates who are burdened by paying off their student loans. After doing a little research, I found out that this was called the Income-Based Repayment Plan and only certain people qualify for it. Jen and I looked into it, learned that we do in fact qualify, and stayed up late that night applying for the plan together.

While we would have likely discovered the repayment plan eventually, even without tithing 10%, we are certain that it was more than just a coincidence in timing. Right after we both decided to go out on a limb and be faithful to God with our finances, He answered our prayer quickly and revealed His faithfulness to us. We were guided to a place where we were not feeling the burden of bills that has weighed us down since getting married.

And two days ago, on my last day of school before winter break, I get a call from a lady at Home Depot telling me that a man came in to anonymously buy us a new washing machine. Our current washing machine has been leaking and slowly dying, and apparently someone we know who referred to himself as "Santa" wanted to be extremely generous and buy us a new one! Jen thought it was a joke at first, but we went in to the store to confirm the order and have it shipped to our apartment. We were racking our brains trying to think of who it was that could have done this for us, but then we stepped back and realized that we already knew who "Santa" was. It was God.

God has provided so many things in our lives, even when we don't even realize it. This Christmas season has been extremely special because God made it clear to us that He is the one giving us gifts...not just at this time of year, but all day, every day. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him, and it was especially clear to us here. We will always look back on this time as evidence that God is at work in our lives. He is Jehovah Jireh and we can only respond by giving up our lives (which includes our money) to serve and love others.

4 Years of Marriage

This past year of marriage I have fallen in love with Jen more than I thought I ever would. Year 4 was definitely the big one...the tester of how our marriage would hold up under pressure.

Big events happened over the past year:
- Nolan was born
- My first [partial] year of teaching
- Jen went back to work (even though she wanted to stay home with Nolan)
- I stayed at home with Nolan (even though I wanted to go back to work)
- I was able to work as a long-term sub at the end of the 2010-11 school year (neither of us could stay home with Nolan)
- I accepted a job in Ontario, Oregon, and I was away from Jen and Nolan for 2.5 weeks
- We knew absolutely nobody in this town
- Now, we are starting to settle in and meet people from church

I missed my wife. Those 2.5 weeks of being away from Jen were a BIG deal. After you spend every day with a person for 4 years, being apart seems very lonely. I spent a lot of time thinking about how much Jen means to me. I missed her so much.

I admire my wife. Jen trusted me enough to follow me across the entire state of Oregon, away from friends and family. Go figure...I finally get a full time job, which means she gets to stay home with Nolan...but it's a home in a city foreign to us. She came here and was more supportive to me than I could have ever imagined. And she has even started a new hobby: Couponing! I admire her so much.

I love my wife. Jen is such a servant to me, and she conveys Jesus' love through her actions. She was courageous, moving here, is meeting other moms, and starting to get involved with helping in the nursery at church. I love her so much.

I am extremely thankful for the relationship that we have. However, it could not have happened without all the arguing along the way and Christ's redeeming hand keeping us on a firm foundation. He is our rock and our faithful guide.

S-A-H D Lesson #5

Stay-At-Home Dad Lesson #5: I need a kiss when you get home.

I am alone with a crabby baby all day. I need to know that my hard work is appreciated. The best way that I feel like my bringing-home-the-bacon-breadwinner-of-a-wife is thankful for me is when she comes home and kisses me before she does anything else.

Old photo from 2009 surfing trip

I heard once somewhere, maybe a college course, that one of the best ways to succeed in having a quality marriage is by making sure to kiss each other when you see each other after work. I think that is so true. It certainly helps with me. I am much more loving and serving to my wife when she shows me that she appreciates me through a simple kiss. Even if I had a bad day, it can all turn around when I know my wife wants to kiss me.

This is something I really need to remember when I am the breadwinner again (someday) and she stays home. I need to remember that the rest of the evening when I get home from work depends on my first few actions when I come home.

S-A-H D Lesson #3

Stay-At-Home Dad Lesson #3: Some days, you just don't feel like taking a shower.

We just got back from visiting family in Arizona, which is exhaustingly hot this time of year. This morning, I woke up...well, I kind of woke up as Jen was getting ready for work. I realized that I was supposed to be looking after our son who was peering over the edge of our bed. Lunging for him, I had forgotten how much traveling has an impact on my energy level. I took Nolan downstairs as Jen finished her morning routine, not thinking about my funny hair standing on end. Jen kissed us goodbye, and with a frown on both of our faces, I closed and locked the door.

All I had on were shorts. Nolan had more fabric covering his body than I did. Hours went by, we played, watched TV, then decided to take a walk to the mailbox a block away. I put on a t-shirt and flip-flops, grabbed my keys, and plopped my 7 month old in the stroller.

While walking down the street, I realized that before I had a child, I would never have done this. When it was just Jen and I, and even when I was a bachelor, I always took a shower in the morning. It was just part of waking up. I would absolutely hate to be out in public without showering. But now, sometimes I just don't feel like it. And I think that's okay.

Oftentimes husbands complain that their wives may "let themselves go" after being married for awhile or after having kids. Staying at home, I see the other side of the coin. Why must you always get ready for the day and pretty yourself up when the day doesn't involve adults and usually includes green bean spit up on your shirt? I understand that Jen wouldn't want to come home to me every day with funny hair and stinky, which is why I usually try to clean myself up in order to give her something nice to look at. However, sometimes I think the occasional lazy day is certainly understandable. And I'm sure she would agree.

Two Working Parents

"It sucks," says Jen.

"Agreed," I replied.

I was teaching at a middle school as a long-term sub from September to January. Then I took a break (well, it was good timing since my job ended) to spend time with Jen and Nolan. I was a stay-at-home dad when Jen went back to work. And big surprise, on April Fool's Day (no joke), I get a call from the principal at the middle school asking me to finish up for the rest of the year. This is a great opportunity, so I know I should jump at it.

The dillema is... should Jen quit her job and look after Nolan? After much thought, we decided it would be wise for us both to keep working and find someone to watch our boy. We thankfully found a great friend willing to take him on, in addition to her own toddler.

Both of us working, away from Nolan (thankfully only temporary, until June), is one of the hardest things we have ever done. We are both control freaks and having our son in someone else's care (even a trustworthy person) is very hard for us. We honestly don't know how parents leave their kids at daycare without it bothering them.

God is teaching us a lot in this phase of life, and we will appreciate it so much more when we settle into the roles we want to be in: Dad working full-time in a contract job, Mom working full-time at home, and Nolan working on his napping routine rather than a car seat routine. Until then, even though "it sucks", we will take these speed bumps as best we can, praising God for pruning us along the way.

The Stay-At-Home Dad Journey Begins

Jen went back to work today. And I am staying home with Nolan, our 2 month, 3 week old boy. Right now he is sleeping, so I'm getting lots done...even writing a blog post!

Background Info

Many of our friends know that Jen and I have relatively conservative views on family management. Jen wants to stay at home with the children, and I want to be the sole breadwinner. These are the roles that we talked about before we got married and we knew that it would work very well for us since we didn't disagree. We plan on having lots of kids in the future. Probably around 4 biological kids and then who knows how many more foster kids after that. We have this idea of practicing on our own and then having some experience before taking on foster children. All in all, we love kids and we want our home to be very plentiful and [hopefully] fruitful.

Why Is This Happening?

When we found out we were pregnant with Nolan, I was just finishing up my masters degree in teaching without a job, and Jen just got hired at a great job. Fast forward to Nolan's birth, and Jen took maternity leave while I was in the middle of a long-term substitute position teaching middle school math and science. Fast forward to now, and my teaching position has ended and Jen's maternity leave has also ended. What to do? Jen can't quit her job because I don't have full-time work. I could try to do full-time subbing while Jen stays home, but that would be an unwise plan for deciding how to provide for my family. We ended up deciding that I would get a taste of what a stay-at-home parent goes through, and Jen would get a taste of what it is like to be away from one's child for the majority of the day.

What I Hope To Learn

I am hoping to realize that being a stay-at-home parent is harder than it seems. Especially when it comes to feeding my boy, because up until this point he has been used to breastfeeding, and now we are trying to get him to take a bottle (which has been only partially successful up to this point). Only once have I tried to get him to take a bottle when Jen was out running errands, and that was a screaming failure. We'll see how it goes for the second run when he wakes up!

Also...

I hope to discover techniques to be more efficient.

I hope to identify with the emotional drain being at home with a baby can have on a person.

I hope to gain a greater respect for stay-at-home parents and come to a better understanding that this is a full-time job.

What I Am Comfortable With

Because I have been helping Jen out so much with the basic day-to-day chores that come with taking care of a baby, I feel very comfortable with many duties: Holding him, singing to him, talking to him, dressing him, changing diapers (even blowouts), sucking out boogers, burping him, taking his temperature, and [most importantly] figuring out why he is crying. It has been extremely helpful to have a few weeks of paternity leave to learn the various responsibilities of caring for a baby.

Biggest Challenges

I believe that the hardest thing for me to deal with is the bloodcurdling screams that I am likely to get when he wants the breast rather than the bottle. I am prepared to be as patient as possible and will force myself to put him down and go to another room for a breather if I get frustrated. We'll see how I handle it. The only other thing I can think of is cooking. I told Jen that I would cook dinner at least twice a week (I hate cooking, by the way), so I need to find some motivation to do that with a cheerful heart.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I am very thankful to have this opportunity to learn more about my son and what it takes to be a stay-at-home father. Maybe I'll even learn something I never expected to. I'm trying to keep an open mind about it, since it is a new experience for me.

Please pray I don't drop him.

Being a Birth Partner

Being a birth partner is more than what you just read in a book.

She started having contractions. This was labor. I drove Jen to the hospital on the morning of December 16th, 2010, not with a panicked craze, but with an excited nervousness. We made our way up to the maternity floor of the hospital ("it's on the 3rd floor because you leave with three people" was a common mnemonic device we heard). As we entered our delivery room in the very early morning, we noticed the complete darkness that loomed outside our window.

Then, as Jen and I waited in silence for each succeeding contraction, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to finish reading my book about how to be a good birth partner for my pregnant wife. Was I prepared enough? Would I fail as her support? Would our memory of Nolan's birth be Daddy screwing up?

Instead of worrying about it, I decided to just take it one step at a time.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I asked her as we put down our bags.

"No thanks," she replied. "Not really hungry."

"Okay. How about some music?" I suggested.

"That sounds good. You know what I want to listen to."

I pulled out my laptop and turned on Christmas music as we started to settle into our room. From that point onward, I realized that preparing to be my wife's birth partner started long ago. It started when our relationship began. All it took was getting to know her, what her needs are, loving her, and being by her side throughout labor. And...trying my best not to annoy her...after all, she's in enough pain already.

Marriage Tip: PB&J

Any husbands out there having a hard time thinking of random acts of love to surprise your wife with? Well look no more!

Check the pic: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the shape of a heart. And don't forget the string cheese! Gets her every time.

Work Affecting Marriage

I don't actually have a job, but I certainly do a lot of work. Schoolwork has seemingly consumed my life for the past five months. It has kept me busy day and night. I go to classes during the day and come home to work on projects and reflection papers at night. It seems endless.

How can I fit in a social life? Well, that's easy...I can't. At least, not a very healthy one. My good friend Patrick has been so patient with me as I rarely hang out with him anymore. My family over on the westside probably has forgotten what I look like by now. And my wife...well, let's talk about her.

My marriage is affected by my work. That's a given. But the question is, how will it be affected? I am the person that influences Jen's attitude more than anyone in her life. It is crucial that I be diligent in making time for her and focusing my little free time on her and only her. Doing the dishes for her before she gets home surprises her and lets her know that I am thinking about her. Surprising her with flowers at work by riding TriMet for 3 hours in between classes is totally worth it. And giving her a back rub not only helps her feel loved, but also helps me avoid carpal tunnel!

I can see why marriages fall apart so easily when job hours or demands increase. It's tough being in a relationship that requires so much focus and time when all of that focus and time is expected to go into my work.

But overall, we are trying our best to focus on God in this marriage and constantly trying to be servants to Him and to each other. And thankfully, that is keeping us relatively stable.

P.S. - Patrick inspired me to write this post. :-) Thanks man!

2 Year Anniversary

Year number two is filled with a lot of great memories. The cold snap last winter, Jen's first backpacking trip, and our gardening project. Each of these memories included only the two of us, representing for me how we have grown over the past two years.

The most prominent thing that God has been teaching me in my marriage is patience. Not that Jen is more difficult than any other wife out there--she is actually a perfect fit for me. God uses her to teach me how to be respectful and loving, even on our bad days. He is teaching me how to change my selfish attitude in order to shower her with loving words and actions. I am also realizing that I will never perfect this over the course of our marriage. However, by studying her and serving her, I can improve more and more.

Something that has helped me think about the best there is in Jen is by thinking of all of the things that I love about her (rather than focusing on the negative). I love and respect her because of how she is willing to give up herself in order to help others in need. I remind myself that Christ is constantly working through her and in her, and that I am a big part of how she grows and matures. Together, we have recently volunteered our time to help out with planning a community garden in our neighborhood. It is a wonderful way for me to see Jen's gifts being used to benefit others. I am drawn to her when she serves others. It's awesome. It makes me want to be a better husband.

Jen, because of Christ, I love you more today than any other day before.

B<3p

Marriage Tip: Eye Contact

The location that Jen and I argue most often is in the car. Why is that, you ask? Well, I believe that it has to do with eye contact. When we are in the car, we are both sitting forward or looking out the window. It is impossible to have much eye contact while at the same time focusing on driving. (Unless, of course, we want to sacrifice our skillful driving abilities in order to communicate better. For the sake of pedestrians and the other vehicles on the road, I should think not.)

And then, as we continue the argument all the way to the end of the journey, which includes parking the car and walking into our home, I have noticed something. With all of my anger and frustration spilling out onto Jen, I continue to look away from her. I still do not make eye contact, even though we are out of the car.

It's easy to argue with someone when you don't look them in the eye (it's easy for me, anyway). So I have been trying a new arguing strategy with my wife. Whenever this happens, I try to sit down with her and resolve the argument while looking into her eyes. I ask her to look into my eyes too. It's hard not to want to resolve the argument when we do that because when I look into her eyes I remember how much I love her and how much I would rather be at peace with her instead of at war.

It seems to help quite a bit. For me, anyway. I don't know about her, though. Some other times I have tried holding her hand while arguing, but she hates that. :-) It's fun and fascinating to learn about your spouse and see what works and what doesn't. I'm glad I have the rest of my life to figure out the best ways to communicate with her.

Yes, I know the image is a little creepy. Try to ignore that fact. After all, I did crop the picture from a happy photo.

Riedlblog label: Marriage

The SORRY Steps

In one of the courses that I just recently finished, we were asked to make up a lesson plan regarding any subject we wanted to teach about. It was a great opportunity to share lesson plans with our fellow future teacher classmates, as well as to view various teaching styles. We enjoyed learning from one another.

After my experience working with kids in a before- and after-school program, I knew that one of the biggest hurdles with kids is when it comes to resolving arguments. So, naturally, I decided to teach a lesson on How to Apologize. It would fall under the Life Skills category in the state standards, so thankfully I was able to tie it in with the benchmarks.

There are so few children (and, unfortunately, adults too) who know how to properly apologize. There are important steps that one must take in order to genuinely ask for forgiveness. Hopefully I can use this with my students one day.

I was so excited about this lesson, because I created an acrostic poem as an easy-to-remember way to properly apologize. Here it is:

Sincerity ... Are you really sorry? Be sincere.

Offense ... Why are you sorry? Say what you did wrong (the offense).

Responsibility ... Why did you do it? Explain the problem and take responsibility for it.

Rectify ... Tell them what you will do differently next time (rectify means to change).

Yield ... Ask them if they will forgive you (yield means give them the power).

It is very important to remember that we cannot make other people do things. We can only control our own behaviors. The other person can choose to forgive or not to forgive. That is up to them.

I have used this in my marriage and it works WONDERS. It is a basic guideline that covers all the bases when resolving problems. By humbling myself, I am able to give Jen the power to forgive me or not. Thankfully, whenever I screw up and hurt her, she never fails to forgive me after I apologize whole-heartedly. She's a wonderful wife, knowing that Jesus first forgave her.

Riedlblog label: Marriage, Teaching

Marriage Tip: Saying 'Thank You'

I have come to understand how important it is to thank my wife for everything she does. Even regarding the mundane, routine things that I expect her to do and she expects herself to do, I still try my hardest to show my appreciation by saying "Thank you" as much as I can. It's amazing how much better my life is with her in it.

I hope that my friends and family will tell me if I ever begin to forget about my thankfulness of her. If I need to be confronted about being a slacker husband, I trust that my community will do so.

Sinning Against Your Spouse

I get so frustrated at myself when I sin against Jen. What's even worse is that she interprets my frustration against myself as anger towards her.

I sinned against her this morning. Of course we were arguing about money. After all, it is one of the most common topics that couples fight about. We have made history this week. This is the first time since we've been married that our bank account has dipped below 100 dollars. I'm not ashamed to say it because I believe that we have been spending money wisely. We rarely eat out at restaurants, we only buy clothes if we need them, and we budget every dollar we spend. Recently Jen and I were both sick. She had trouble breathing, so she needed to visit the doctor a few times. Thankfully, we have insurance and only needed to pay for the co-pay. But add up three or four visits, prescriptions, and no paid time off work...it sets us back quite a bit. All our hard work of spending money wisely is down the drain just because Jen gets a little virus.

But I don't want to debate the issue of health care right now. I am thinking about my marriage. It wasn't even that big of a deal this morning. She reminded me of something and I reacted by being defensive and rude. I have a real problem with my tone. And I never realized I had that problem until we got married.

Thankfully, she forgave me this morning like she always does. Thankfully, we are able to trust that the other person will forgive us if we screw up. Thankfully, we depend on Christ in our marriage which spawns a desire to consistently do our best to grow in our love (verb) for each other.

Growing is hard. God is pruning us when we are convicted of sin. Right now I feel like God is getting some extra help to prune my tree as fast as possible. I keep making the same mistakes when trying to communicate with my wife. So what can I do? Well, I really have two choices. 1) To give up and separate myself from my wife, or 2) To believe God's Word and follow it.

God's Word says to fight the good fight and to love my wife. I just need to keep at it. If I truly believe what Jesus says is truth, then I had better do my best to show it in my marriage.

Some practical things that I want to do differently in my marriage:

• Write love notes in the morning while I read my Bible. Leave them for her on the coffee pot or the door knob so she sees them before she leaves for work.
• Turn off the radio in the car on my drive home. Instead, focus on ways to serve my wife before I get home.
• Hold my lips shut with my fingers until she's done talking. Listen to her words and try to understand her point of view instead of making her see mine.

My marriage is more important to me than my own personal desires. Jesus calls us to serve one another and that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I am trusting that this is the right path.

Image from andertoons.com

The Little Things in Life

Most of our furniture was given to us from friends and family. It has been a great way to save money, have a few projects to do, and tell a few stories.

Saving money is a big deal for us right now, as I figured it would be back when I was a bachelor. I intentionally collected pieces of furniture when I was single so that we wouldn't have an empty house when starting a family. Thinking ahead in life is a big plus.

It also gave me a few projects to do in my free time. Several years back a good friend gave me a beautiful round solid oak table. Sure, on the outside it looked nasty. It was likely used as a craft table with glue, gunk, and glitter all over the thing. But it was so much fun working hard to scrape it, sand it, and smooth on a beautiful wood finish. It gave it a little more history.

Additionally, I am a bit like Phoebe in The One with the Apothecary Table. I enjoy furniture that has a history to it. I like telling our guests the story of where the object has been in the past. It's just more interesting than saying, "It's from Ikea." Still, I must admit that we have plenty of things in our home from Ikea.

Recently we got a bar stool from Grandpa Riedl. What's great about it is that it doesn't actually look like it's from the stone age. It matches the other furniture in the dining room and it is perfect for spending more time with my wife.

I have been wanting to spend more quality time with Jen. I get home from work and she is often hard at work in the kitchen, cookin' up another masterpiece. I would love to sit and talk with her about her day, but there was no convenient place to sit at her level since it is a relatively small kitchen.

Thankfully, Grandpa's bar stool was the perfect addition to the room. I can now sit across the sink from my wife and chat with her when I get home from work. The little things in life (like this bar stool) really allow me to appreciate the big things in life (like conversing with my lovely wife).

Image from here

Patience in Marriage

When Jen told me that she would write on Riedlblog, I was certainly very excited. I was also very conscious of my expectations of her. I expected her to love blogging. I knew that the exact moment that she posted her first blog post that she'd immediately be hooked and would blog every day non-stop. Even more than me.

I was just a little off. As you can see, she hasn't posted anything yet.

But I'm not upset. I had a feeling this might happen. This situation has happened before here. It's a typical situation: I have unrealistic expectations, she lives life, and I react either positively or negatively. When I react negatively in these types of situations, I nag her, push her, get frustrated with her, and sometimes get into fights with her. All sin. All selfish.

Thankfully, I have used my past mistakes to realize that I need to be patient with Jen about her blogging. I think about life from her perspective. I know that writing is not very interesting to her, since she's still finishing up school, and there are lots of other exciting things for her to do with her time.

So I must be patient. I must let her make the choice to do it. After all, I can't make her do anything. So often people think that they can make their spouses do what they want. But is that really being a humble servant? I think not.

Hawaiian Love

Papa Murphy's is the best! We were able to have a fun reminder of our honeymoon with a Hawaiian heart-shaped pizza!