Asher: My Miscarriage Story

We found out we were pregnant at the beginning of June and we were thrilled. We were excited for one of our kids to have a same-gender sibling, and excited to go beyond the typical “perfect” family of one girl and one boy. We already had names picked out and were planning how to announce our newest addition to the world.

On a Tuesday in July, at 9½ weeks, we flew to Arizona to visit my parents and brother and sister-in-law. The first night we were there, we sat on the floor of my old bedroom in the house I grew up in, introducing the kids to Grandma’s dogs, and exploring toys she had bought for them. We sat and talked for a bit, and I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding. It was a small amount, but bright red blood. I tried not to panic, but the only other time I have bled in pregnancy was when I had a miscarriage at five weeks, a little over two years ago.

I called my midwives back home, and felt reassured that the midwife I spoke to believed it didn’t mean miscarriage was inevitable, and the fact that I was not in pain was a good sign. I was instructed to go to the ER if my bleeding got really heavy, or if I was feeling cramping. I had a small amount of bleeding for several hours, and then it tapered off overnight.

The next morning, I was feeling hopeful that the bleeding was over and that everything was fine. However, early afternoon, I began bleeding again. I knew that bright red bleeding was not a good sign, and began to really worry about my baby. I called my midwife again, and cried a lot while I was on the phone with her, discussing the “what ifs”. I was worried about going to the ER, finding out the worst, and being pressured to have a D&C rather than being allowed to miscarry at home. My midwife assured me that I could refuse a procedure, and that at 9 weeks, the baby would be small enough to pass at home. She encouraged me to go to the ER if I wanted to, so at least I would have an answer about what was going on, and we decided to go.

Aaron and I were checked in quickly and taken directly to a room without having to wait. The nurses drew my blood and started an IV. We waited just a short time, and then the Physician’s Assistant came in to do a pelvic exam. He said that my cervix was closed, but that any time you bleed during pregnancy it is considered a threatened miscarriage. Then, I was transported to radiology for an ultrasound.

I had multiple ultrasounds during my pregnancies with my two kids, and we knew what we should see and hear. The tech that did my ultrasound didn’t say anything while he working. But we knew. In the first ten seconds we knew we were not seeing the little flutter of a heartbeat. He had the volume turned way down, but I heard the silence when I should have heard the “whoosh whoosh”.

I didn’t cry the entire time we were at the hospital. We went to the pharmacy on the way back to my mom’s house, and when we checked out, the cashier handed us our bags and smiled and said, “Have a great day and be well.” I felt like I had been slapped in the face. And I cried for the first time since talking to my midwife on the phone.

I bled steadily, but not too heavily, all that day and the next. I had manageable cramping off and on until around 10pm on Thursday, when I realized my pain was coming and going rhythmically...contractions. They continued for a couple hours, and then Delaney woke up crying. I decided to take a couple Advil and take her to bed with me and try to sleep. Not too much later, I sat up in bed and felt a gush. This time when I went to the bathroom, it wasn’t blood. My water had broken. I decided to stay up then, since I was having more painful contractions that felt like I was in active labor. Aaron stayed up with me and we watched TV while I labored. In the next hour or so, I passed a tiny baby. It was only about an inch long, but we could see its fingers and toes, and dark spots on its face where its eyes were developing.

My contractions spaced out and got less intense. I finally was able to sleep around 4am, and my contractions must have stopped, because I slept for 3 hours. When I woke up, they started again, not too painful, but consistent. Around 9 hours after the baby came out, I passed two pieces of placental tissue, and one was as big as the palm of my hand. As soon as that happened, my contractions stopped. I bled heavily for the rest of that day and the next day, and passed a few more small pieces of tissue. I bled for a total of two weeks, mostly spotting or really light bleeding during the second week.

When I spoke to my midwife on the phone about passing the baby, I actually felt relieved. I had been concerned about whether everything would happen on its own. I can see how women who experience a miscarriage could feel their body has betrayed them, but I know there is nothing I could have done differently to change anything, and I feel that my body did its job when our baby died. Our baby measured 8 weeks and 2 days on the ultrasound, but the hospital gave us a 10 day window when the baby could have actually passed. I believe that it probably happened just days before I began bleeding, as I was still having pregnancy symptoms when it started, and the baby was bigger and more developed than we were expecting to see.

Losing a baby in miscarriage is one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Losing two this way is something that I never believed would happen to me. We named our baby Asher, which means “blessing”, because even though we lost our baby, Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” We hope that our story will encourage someone else someday. We chose a verse for Asher that gives us hope:

“To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”
Isaiah 61:3

The first two weeks of January

This is quite a late report.  The first two weeks of January were great couponing weeks!  I made a trip to Albertsons and a couple trips to Rite Aid (bottom two pictures).  Albertsons had salmon on sale for $2.99/lb and a deal where you get free veggies when you purchase a beef roast.  So, we got about 2 lbs of salmon; 4 lbs of beef round rump roast; free potatoes, carrots, and celery; plus 6 cans of beans; 6 cans of tomato soup; 8 Yoplait yogurts; a bottle of juice; 10 juice boxes; a gallon of milk (1/2 gallon of organic for Nolan); and 2 boxes of Fiber One bars. This should have cost $89.38.  I paid $43.02 after sales and coupons!  I think that's pretty good for salmon and beef!  At Rite Aid there were several deals on gum, plus a promotion on Johnson and Johnson items.  I got 2 bottles of baby wash, 2 baby lotions, 2 flosses, 2 makeup compacts, 9 packs of gum (8 of which were free!), and two 75oz bottles of Tide.  I should have paid $98.71 but only paid $33.16, and I have a $2 reward to use next time!  My total savings in these two weeks was 60%!

Week of December 18th

This post is a little late in coming, but worth it since I got some great deals a couple weeks ago.  I made two trips to Rite Aid (top two pictures) and two trips to Albertsons (bottom two pictures).  Nolan got 6 shots and a blood draw on the 21st so I had to buy acetaminophen and ibuprofen.  Luckily I had coupons!  At Rite Aid I got 4 bags of chocolate Chex mix (yum yum), 6 packs of gum, 2 tins of Icebreakers, a motion sensor soap dispenser for the kitchen, plus the medicine and only paid $16.35 (would have cost me $54.65).

At Albertsons I bought 2 jars of applesauce, 3 6-packs of individual applesauce cups, 2 jars of salsa, 5 cans of refried beans, 2 bottles of salad dressing, 4 bags of shredded cheese, 2 bottles of apple juice, a giant bottle of soy sauce, 2 lbs each of powdered sugar and brown sugar, 4 boxes of crackers, canola oil, 2 big cans of Lysol wipes, 2 boxes of cake mix and 2 cans of frosting, 5 boxes of Rice-a-Roni, 5 boxes of Pasta Roni, 4 cans of chicken broth, 4 jars of spaghetti sauce, and 6 bags of frozen vegetables.  I should have paid $161.84.  I only paid $60.24 after sales and coupons.  That's a 63% savings...success!

Another double coupon week!

I think we are to the point now where we have enough stuff stockpiled to wait and buy things when there is an awesome deal.  We are also at a point where we are cutting back on our monthly grocery budget.  It is a great feeling to know that we have saved so much money already, and now we don't have to worry about buying things!  I love being able to go into my pantry and just pull out what I need.  This week Albertsons was having a promo where you get $10 off the purchase of a gift card for every $30 you spend on select Procter and Gamble items.  I bought Albertsons gift cards with my transactions, used them on other transactions, and ended up with all these things!  The retail cost would have been $173.84.  We got 10 boxes of Cheerios (good thing, because they are both mine and Nolan's favorite cereal), four 100oz bottles of Tide, a bottle of Downy, 8 cans of Pringles (Aaron was excited about that one), 2 boxes of tea bags, 3 boxes of Hamburger Helper, 2 big bottles of shampoo, and 6 jars of applesauce (another of Nolan's favorite foods).  With the P&G promo, coupons, and sales, I spent $66.66.  Couponing success!

Hopefully the last weekend of doublers for a while...

I'm ready for a break!  For the 4th week in a row, Alberstons put doublers in the paper.  Couponing takes a lot of work, not to mention that I have been getting up early and going shopping, before things sell out!  I went to Wal-mart this week too, to price match Tide since Albertsons did not have "Free and Gentle" that I use to wash cloth diapers.  Here are this week's purchases: 5 boxes (big boxes this week!) of Honey Nut Cheerios, 1 box of Lucky Charms, 2 boxes Saltines, 6 boxes Barilla pasta, 10 cans Cream of Mushroom soup, 2 frozen Marie Callenders pies, 4 jars pasta sauce, a bottle of Worcestershire sauce, 5 boxes Pasta Roni, 2 cans coconut milk, 2 cans evaporated milk, 1 frozen orange juice concentrate, a canister of hot cocoa mix, a gallon of milk, Crisco oil, a bag of hash browns (OreIda is local here!), 4 boxes of cream cheese, 4 cans Progresso soup, a bottle of Tide, 2 bottles juice, a pack of 4 cans of sparkling juice, 2 bottles Aveeno body wash, 2 bags of marshmallows, and a bag of Twix minis (for Aaron's stocking!  Don't tell him!).  The total cost before sales and coupons was $206.71.  I paid $77.18.  Eventually, I might even be under budget for groceries!  :)

Couponing is addicting!

Albertsons had doublers for the 3rd week in a row last weekend (and there are rumors of double coupons coming AGAIN this weekend!).  It was also the first weekend I got 5 Idaho Press-Tribune newspapers delivered to my door!  I ended up buying 3 more newspapers at the store, which meant I had 24 doublers to use!  I definitely added to our stockpile!  This week's purchases include: 10lbs flour, 4 lbs powdered sugar, 4lbs brown sugar, 4 bottles of juice, 6 cans Progresso soup, 2lbs Tillamook cheese, a gallon of milk, a loaf of bakery French bread, 2 cans of cranberry sauce, 4 boxes of brownie mix, half gallon of soy milk, 5 packages of Oreos, 2 bags Werther's candies, yeast, 12 bags of microwave popcorn, 2 cans of SpaghettiOs, a package of Bear Creek soup mix, 8 jars of applesauce, a box of cake mix and frosting, 8 Yoplait yogurts, a sippy cup for Nolan, and a bottle of iced tea.  The total value of all my purchases was $252.84.  After sale prices, 3 trips to the store, 8 transactions, and more than 50 coupons, I paid $59.46.  I could get used to this.  I don't think I'm obsessed or addicted, but, embarrassingly, there have been multiple times when I have been woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby and realized that i have been dreaming about coupons.  How could you not be excited about saving so much money???

Great deals at Albertsons this week!

Not quite"extreme" couponing like on TV, but I am pretty proud of myself.  Included in today's purchases: 9 boxes of cereal, 18 cans of vegetables, 4 cans of pineapple, 2 bottles of Torani syrup (can't live without it now that the closest Starbucks is a solid 30 minute drive away), 4 boxes of Jell-o pudding mix, 2 jars of peanut butter, 4 cans of SpaghettiOs, 4 boxes of pasta, 12 bags of microwave popcorn, a dozen eggs, and two 2.5lb beef roasts (yum, pot roast!).  The total value? $163.16. I spent (drum roll please)...$65.71!  AND, I have $9 in Catalina coupons to use on my next purchase.  :)

Learning to coupon

I have decided that I am going to learn to coupon. I decided to start with Rite Aid, which has a straight forward rewards system and is very coupon friendly.  In the past month I have scoured blogs, printed way too many coupons from the internet, and sharpened my math skills calculating the best deals.  I ended up with a free tube of toothpaste, free chapstick, 38 cent boxes of Kleenex, and got PAID to buy Zicam (cold medicine).  So now I am expanding to couponing for groceries, and working on building a stockpile.  I added Albertsons to my weekly calculations.  These are pictures of the deals I got last week (10/30/11): Tide, two bottles of conditioner, a bottle of shampoo, two packs of gum, two boxes of cereal, two bottles of corn syrup (for Special K bars as soon as I score some cheap Special K!), cornstarch, baking powder, spices, and ten yogurts for under $12 total.  At least it's not an expensive hobby!  :)

Nolan's Birth Story

On December 15th, 3 days before baby Nolan was due to arrive, I had my last appointment with midwife Linda. I had been dilated about 1cm a few weeks before and had been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, so I was glad when she announced that I was now 3cm! My plans for a short labor were coming right along. Since my cervix was open, she also swept my membranes (separating the bag of waters from the edge of the cervix by massaging it--not too pleasant, and it leaves you feeling pretty crampy, but it is supposed to help bring on labor). I asked her how big she thought he was and she said 7 or 7 1/2 pounds. I said "Good, because my husband was over 10 and I don't want a 10 pound baby!" She assured me that she had seen 10 pound babies, and he wasn't going to be 10 pounds...she also told me that she guessed she would probably see me in the hospital on Friday when she was on call. I left feeling very confident that Nolan would be here soon.

Four hours later, around 8:30pm, I started having contractions. These contractions felt different and a bit more uncomfortable than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having. I was finishing up making turkey soup for dinner and in between stirring I watched Titanic on TV and laid on the exercise ball while Aaron timed contractions with an app he had downloaded on his phone. They remained about 5 minutes apart for 2 hours, so we packed the hospital bags and I decided to call the midwife. Wendy was on call, and I was expecting her to tell us to leave for the hospital, thinking my baby boy would be born that night, but instead she suggested that I stay home as long as possible if I really wanted to avoid medical intervention (which was my hope for my labor). Disappointed, I got off the phone and Aaron and I waited some more. At 1am, my contractions were not any different so we decided to go to bed in case this was not real labor and Aaron had to go to work in the morning. As soon as I laid down, my contractions shortened to 2 minutes apart and became more intense. After an hour, I woke Aaron up and told him we needed to leave.

We arrived at the hospital just before 3am where Wendy checked me and said I was about 5cm dilated. The nurse monitored Nolan and my contractions for a little while and then told me to alternate walking in the halls and resting on the exercise ball or in bed. So that's what we did...for 5 hours. My contractions had slowed when we reached the hospital and I remained at 5cm until the new midwife on call, Mary, checked me again at 8am. She gave me the option of going home to labor longer, or having her break my water to get things moving. I definitely did not want to go home and do this, so we opted for breaking my water. Almost immediately my contractions were much stronger and more regular. I couldn't walk comfortably anymore so I swayed on the exercise ball and breathed through contractions for another couple hours.

The hospital has a jacuzzi tub and my vision had been to labor in there during transition, the hardest part of labor from 7-10cm. When I was really uncomfortable on the ball, I decided to get in the tub, even though I hadn't reached transition yet. I wasn't in there very long when my contractions became almost unbearable. I actually asked the nurse about my options for pain medication but she knew that I had wanted a natural birth, so they moved me to the bed and Mary checked me again--7cm! I had only barely made it to the beginning of transition.

The last few hours of labor are a blur... Mary kept encouraging me to do just one more contraction, or two more contractions, over and over again, and she never mentioned medication and I didn't ask again. I know that I was moaning through contractions, something that I didn't expect. Aaron was doing a great job encouraging me, getting me drinks, and keeping Christmas music playing the whole time. I also remember changing positions a lot--the anterior lip of my cervix would not dilate and I had to move around to try to make it go away. The worst part of the whole thing was probably the last half hour before I began pushing--I had the horrible urge to push and wasn't able to--Mary didn't want me to bruise or tear my cervix. Eventually, she held the little edge of my cervix out of the way so I could begin pushing. When I got the ok, I assumed it must be nearly over, but I pushed for an hour and a half--the hardest and sweatiest full body workout of my life. And, it turns out that Nolan was much bigger than anyone expected. His shoulders got stuck and he did not cry when he finally came out. The midwife had to cut the umbilical cord (a job Aaron was hoping to have) so that he could be taken across the room to be checked out quickly before Aaron and I got to meet him. Nolan Zachary Riedl was born on 12/16/10 at 1:47pm, weighing 9lbs 8oz and was 21 1/4" long.

Nolan's here! About 20 minutes old...

All bundled up! 12.16.10

Chai Spiced Bread

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup butter, softened

2 eggs

1/2 cup prepared, room temperature black tea

1/3 cup milk

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour

2 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp cardamom

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 tsp cinnamon, divided

1/8 tsp cloves

1 cup powdered sugar

3-5 tsp milk

Grease loaf pan (or use muffin papers to make 12 muffins). Cream granulated sugar and butter. Beat in eggs, tea, 1/3 cup milk, and vanilla (mixture will appear curdled). Wisk in flour, baking powder, cardamom, salt, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, and cloves just until smooth. Pour into loaf pan or spoon into muffin pan. Bake loaf 50-60 minutes at 350 degrees (18 minutes for muffins) or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan and then remove and cool 30 minutes more. For glaze, stir together powdered sugar, remaining 1/2 tsp cinnamon, and enough milk just to make it spreadable. Spread glaze over bread or muffins and let cool completely.

Tasties from Jen

Cherry Almond Bars

10/2/10

Pumpkin Zucchini Bread

9/26/10

Tasty Photos

Cinnamon Raisin Bread 9/7/09

White Chocolate Cake with Strawberries 4/4/10

Light Cheesecake 2/20/10

Turkey Pot Pie 1/10/10

Whole Wheat Carrot Cake with Brown Sugar Frosting 3/19/09

...and from long ago...

My first apple pie as a Riedl 12/1/07

Pictures

So...I hate blogging. I feel a little bad, since Aaron loves it so much. But, we have made a compromise. I will post, but I don't have to write anything. :) From now on, I will take pictures of things that I cook or bake (since I like that hobby better than blogging) and then I will post them here. Sounds good to me! Here are some pictures to get started:

Strawberry Shortcake 5/20/09

Strawberry Jam 6/14/09

Apple Pie 10/24/09

Applesauce 10/27/09

Thanksgiving Pumpkin Pie 11/26/09

Christmas Eve Pumpkin Cheesecake 12/24/09

Christmas Dinner for Two! 12/25/09

I hope this makes you feel better honey! This is how much I love you! XOXO

Baking

I really enjoy baking! Last weekend I made pinwheel cookies (picture). I think it's kind of like art to me--I don't enjoy making art in ways you would normally think of, like painting or drawing, but I LOVE to cook and bake. There is nothing better to me than being in the kitchen on a rainy day (even in July). My baking is also like art because it tends to come out as an expression of myself. For example, I felt like making something fun and unique this past weekend because I was in a fun, happy mood. On a day that feels cozy to me (like a crisp, sunny fall day) then I would make something cozy with cinnamon and nutmeg in it. Or at Christmastime I feel festive and I go overboard with baking and decorating! I guess in a way, I am an artist!

Crappy Parenting

Aaron has been bugging me and bugging me to write a blog. So, here I go. :)

I teach pre-kindergarten. I have been doing it for a little over two years. Some days are fun and others are very difficult. I love my kids, but I cannot stand crappy parenting--especially because it usually makes kids' behavior crappy too.

I have a very difficult child in my class, let's call him "Caleb." He refuses to listen, makes death threats to teachers, and talks all the time about how strong he is and how he can defend himself if we try to do anything to him. So today on the playground Caleb decided that he was going to throw sand at another kid because the kid wouldn't stop chasing him. I walked toward Caleb, calling out for him to stop so that he wouldn't get it in the other kid's eyes, and when he saw me coming he took off running. I told him that if he didn't come talk to me that he was going to lose his play time and sit out until his dad came. So he continued running and I followed him, cornering him on the playground, as I have become so skilled at doing, and grabbed his hand. I told him that if he was not going to listen to me that he could come and sit, and began my spiel about playing safely in the sand and using his words to tell a teacher when someone is bothering him, etc. And he reached over and scratched me. (It didn't hurt--I actually got it worse last week from another kid.) I walked him across the playground, had him sit in a chair, and told him that now I had to write a note to his dad about his behavior. I proceeded to fill out an incident report form and then guess who showed up?! His dad! I quickly handed the incident report to the director to be signed while I gave the dad another incident report to look over and sign from this morning when Caleb was wrestling with another kid and didn't stop when he was asked and got kicked in the face.

So Caleb's dad took him and walked out of the room without saying a word to me. I started to follow him out into the lobby to let him know about what had just happened but saw the director catch him and let her handle it. She came in to tell me after he left that the dad had asked her what he should do about Caleb running away from me and scratching me. She told him that he should bring him back in the classroom, tell him that what he did was not ok, and have him apologize. The dad simply said no and left. Gee, I wonder where the kid gets the idea that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it.

This is the worst part of my job. Kids have so much potential when they are only 4. Discipline should come out of love--you discipline so that they grow up to be responsible adults. Four-year-olds have no idea what is best for them, and parents need to step up and take the opportunity (and responsibility) to teach them. I don't think that parents realize that what they teach their children when they are young is going to affect them for the rest of their lives.

I hope my parenting is better than this. Sometimes when people ask me if I have kids, I say, "Not yet, I'm just practicing on other people's." :)

New Writer: Jen

My wife has such great things to say about life. I have such great conversations with her almost every day of the week. Her heart for children and social justice is evident in her goals and dreams. I am so in love with her from the inside out.

I was pumped when she told me she would contribute occasionally to Riedlblog. It would certainly be beneficial to hear a bit from my other half, since she is such an integral part of my life. She stretches me and strengthens me in ways that no other person in the world does. I'm sure many of you readers out there would also appreciate hearing some of her thoughts and reflections from time to time.

So I'd like to give her a warm welcome, a hug, and a kiss to encourage her to feel free to write about whatever she wants!

<3 Love you Penny!