Monday, January 29, 2007


Today I feel like Ruth.

I grew up in a working-class family with a dad who is an electrician, doing his best to provide the best for his wife and kids. I was a nobody, a nice guy, who was interested in biology and just discovered a love for Jesus. Not just a love, but an amazement. I was shy and didn't know how to act comfortable around people. Graduating from high school, I had no money for college. My parents had no money for me. So, I moved up to Seattle to begin my college journey.

I was put in a dorm room that happened to be on one of the most social floors on campus. But I couldn't stay there long unless I got a job. Since my parents didn't own a home and had no money for me, I was able to apply for work study jobs. Work study is sweet because the government pays for like half your paycheck, so it's a great deal for the employer. I was interested in biology and I wanted to become a geneticist and discover sweet stuff like on the show "Heroes". Besides, I was shy and wanted to work with just a few people at a lab bench for the rest of my life. That was comfy.

I had fun at school. Didn't study much at all. Got involved with all the fun stuff in my dorm. Started to get to know people, started to do pranks, started to see the world in a different way. I was stretched in classes, stretched in my social life, and stretched in the workplace.

I changed. Well, duh. People change. But this was different than that. It was cooler.

I got up in the morning, went to class, went to work, went to sleep... and ate and played video games in between. And changed. I did this until my senior year. I thought that I would eat up all this biology goodness at school and then go out into the scientific world to discover weird genetic stuff, you know, cure cancer and stuff, and spread the love of Jesus doing it. It'd be fulfilling. But what happened?

I realized I hated biology. I was sick of it. I didn't understand it. There was a point to where my brain stopped learning and understanding, and I reached that point. That point was like a wall in my face.
I looked at my coworkers and thought more about what they ate for breakfast than I did about the science stuff I was supposed to be working on and learning about. But I ignored the wall.

I was supposed to be a geneticist. I was supposed to do this. I knew from the beginning. I will go to college, graduate in four years, and work in a lab doing tedious stuff for the rest of my life. That's work. But I went back to talking to people. That always happens. So I talked to this girl and she said that she was majoring in sociology. And she said some other stuff too, but the point is that she was majoring in sociology. I liked sociology. It was simple for me to understand. It was easy for me. Biology sucked.

I registered for my senior year classes and decided to slip a sociology course in with all my biology classes. I loved it. It got me through. But I couldn't take any more classes... four years was already up and I had a biofuture. But I said 'no' and so I stayed another year. Five years in school. How much is tuition now? What am I doing...

I fell in love with people. I had to remind myself that I wasn't doing something stupid. I wanted to study people, not molecules. I wanted to know what people ate for breakfast. Kind of.

I saw the world clearly. Well, from a kind of biased perspective... but still. Then I fell in love. It was my fifth year, and she was doing the same thing as me. She was a bio/soc convert. So anyway, we're getting married, I know where I am going, and I'm right where I want to be. I feel comfortable. Kind of.

So my conclusion paragraph is supposed to be a summary. But it's not. It's something else. Kind of like the way that my life is turning out. I was in a working class family for a reason. I was a shy guy for a reason. I was put on a social floor for a reason. I was disliking my job for a reason. I played video games for a reason. Kind of. I changed for a reason. I stayed five years for a reason. And now I feel comfortable with the point I am at. For so long I was uncomfortable. But now I can see an invisible hand. This is why I feel like Ruth. I can see God's invisible hand.