S-A-H D Lesson #1

Stay-At-Home Dad Lesson #1: When your baby is sleeping, do chores as fast as humanly possible!

The first thing I have learned may be the most important if you actually want to get a lot done during the day. If Jen is off to work before I get a chance to get myself ready, I have to wait until Nolan's morning nap before I do my own personal grooming.

Once he is finally sleeping, I quickly take a shower, eat breakfast, shave, and brush my teeth before he wakes up. His naps range about 30min-2hrs. I never know how long I'll have, so I need to go fast with whatever I do. Even this blog post I'm writing while he is napping, so I am typing super fast!

Other daily stuff I have to do while he naps includes doing the dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning up, make myself lunch, etc. If I have time after all that, I don't know what to do with myself! By the time I figure out what work I can do for either my teacher website or the community garden, Nolan's cute little cry echos through the monitor. I am amazed at how little I get done.

It's worth it, though. He's worth it.

Rock-A-Bye Baby: Sad, But It Works!

My son was crying and I didn't know what to do to calm him. I tried talking to him, bouncing him on my knee, and swinging him in my arms. Nothing seemed to work.

I felt a song coming on. Rock-A-Bye Baby was all that came to mind, and slowly the lyrics started coming back to me from memory. Jen had to help me out with the last line, but we finally remembered it all:

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

What kind of sick, twisted song is that?! Why on Earth do people soothe their baby with a song about a baby falling to their death out of a tree? And if the fall wasn't enough to kill the little one, then the impact of the cradle following right behind is sure to finish them off!

But still, it worked like a charm. He stopped crying and enjoyed my singing! Thankfully he isn't yet able to comprehend the meaning of it, otherwise he might have nightmares about falling.

The Stay-At-Home Dad Journey Begins

Jen went back to work today. And I am staying home with Nolan, our 2 month, 3 week old boy. Right now he is sleeping, so I'm getting lots done...even writing a blog post!

Background Info

Many of our friends know that Jen and I have relatively conservative views on family management. Jen wants to stay at home with the children, and I want to be the sole breadwinner. These are the roles that we talked about before we got married and we knew that it would work very well for us since we didn't disagree. We plan on having lots of kids in the future. Probably around 4 biological kids and then who knows how many more foster kids after that. We have this idea of practicing on our own and then having some experience before taking on foster children. All in all, we love kids and we want our home to be very plentiful and [hopefully] fruitful.

Why Is This Happening?

When we found out we were pregnant with Nolan, I was just finishing up my masters degree in teaching without a job, and Jen just got hired at a great job. Fast forward to Nolan's birth, and Jen took maternity leave while I was in the middle of a long-term substitute position teaching middle school math and science. Fast forward to now, and my teaching position has ended and Jen's maternity leave has also ended. What to do? Jen can't quit her job because I don't have full-time work. I could try to do full-time subbing while Jen stays home, but that would be an unwise plan for deciding how to provide for my family. We ended up deciding that I would get a taste of what a stay-at-home parent goes through, and Jen would get a taste of what it is like to be away from one's child for the majority of the day.

What I Hope To Learn

I am hoping to realize that being a stay-at-home parent is harder than it seems. Especially when it comes to feeding my boy, because up until this point he has been used to breastfeeding, and now we are trying to get him to take a bottle (which has been only partially successful up to this point). Only once have I tried to get him to take a bottle when Jen was out running errands, and that was a screaming failure. We'll see how it goes for the second run when he wakes up!

Also...

I hope to discover techniques to be more efficient.

I hope to identify with the emotional drain being at home with a baby can have on a person.

I hope to gain a greater respect for stay-at-home parents and come to a better understanding that this is a full-time job.

What I Am Comfortable With

Because I have been helping Jen out so much with the basic day-to-day chores that come with taking care of a baby, I feel very comfortable with many duties: Holding him, singing to him, talking to him, dressing him, changing diapers (even blowouts), sucking out boogers, burping him, taking his temperature, and [most importantly] figuring out why he is crying. It has been extremely helpful to have a few weeks of paternity leave to learn the various responsibilities of caring for a baby.

Biggest Challenges

I believe that the hardest thing for me to deal with is the bloodcurdling screams that I am likely to get when he wants the breast rather than the bottle. I am prepared to be as patient as possible and will force myself to put him down and go to another room for a breather if I get frustrated. We'll see how I handle it. The only other thing I can think of is cooking. I told Jen that I would cook dinner at least twice a week (I hate cooking, by the way), so I need to find some motivation to do that with a cheerful heart.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I am very thankful to have this opportunity to learn more about my son and what it takes to be a stay-at-home father. Maybe I'll even learn something I never expected to. I'm trying to keep an open mind about it, since it is a new experience for me.

Please pray I don't drop him.

Diaper Love

My son just peed on me. And he didn't even think it was funny!

There is very little interaction between him and I. The majority of the interaction between us is when I change his diaper, when I burp him, when I put him to bed, and when I have him sleep on me.

And what does he do? He stares at the lamp.

There's not much I can do right now regarding being a father, other than being sacrificial. I have to sacrifice my time, my pleasures, and my life to serve him. He can't do it on his own, so that's how I show my love for him. When he gets older, I can show him love through more interesting stuff like teaching him, training him, having conversations with him, guiding him, and leading him to be the man that he ought to be.

So, for now, I'll keep changing his diapers, hoping that one day his conversations will be much more interactive and two-sided as he grows up to be a man that loves God. Lord willing. I pray.

Being a Birth Partner

Being a birth partner is more than what you just read in a book.

She started having contractions. This was labor. I drove Jen to the hospital on the morning of December 16th, 2010, not with a panicked craze, but with an excited nervousness. We made our way up to the maternity floor of the hospital ("it's on the 3rd floor because you leave with three people" was a common mnemonic device we heard). As we entered our delivery room in the very early morning, we noticed the complete darkness that loomed outside our window.

Then, as Jen and I waited in silence for each succeeding contraction, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to finish reading my book about how to be a good birth partner for my pregnant wife. Was I prepared enough? Would I fail as her support? Would our memory of Nolan's birth be Daddy screwing up?

Instead of worrying about it, I decided to just take it one step at a time.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I asked her as we put down our bags.

"No thanks," she replied. "Not really hungry."

"Okay. How about some music?" I suggested.

"That sounds good. You know what I want to listen to."

I pulled out my laptop and turned on Christmas music as we started to settle into our room. From that point onward, I realized that preparing to be my wife's birth partner started long ago. It started when our relationship began. All it took was getting to know her, what her needs are, loving her, and being by her side throughout labor. And...trying my best not to annoy her...after all, she's in enough pain already.

Nolan's Birth Story

On December 15th, 3 days before baby Nolan was due to arrive, I had my last appointment with midwife Linda. I had been dilated about 1cm a few weeks before and had been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, so I was glad when she announced that I was now 3cm! My plans for a short labor were coming right along. Since my cervix was open, she also swept my membranes (separating the bag of waters from the edge of the cervix by massaging it--not too pleasant, and it leaves you feeling pretty crampy, but it is supposed to help bring on labor). I asked her how big she thought he was and she said 7 or 7 1/2 pounds. I said "Good, because my husband was over 10 and I don't want a 10 pound baby!" She assured me that she had seen 10 pound babies, and he wasn't going to be 10 pounds...she also told me that she guessed she would probably see me in the hospital on Friday when she was on call. I left feeling very confident that Nolan would be here soon.

Four hours later, around 8:30pm, I started having contractions. These contractions felt different and a bit more uncomfortable than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been having. I was finishing up making turkey soup for dinner and in between stirring I watched Titanic on TV and laid on the exercise ball while Aaron timed contractions with an app he had downloaded on his phone. They remained about 5 minutes apart for 2 hours, so we packed the hospital bags and I decided to call the midwife. Wendy was on call, and I was expecting her to tell us to leave for the hospital, thinking my baby boy would be born that night, but instead she suggested that I stay home as long as possible if I really wanted to avoid medical intervention (which was my hope for my labor). Disappointed, I got off the phone and Aaron and I waited some more. At 1am, my contractions were not any different so we decided to go to bed in case this was not real labor and Aaron had to go to work in the morning. As soon as I laid down, my contractions shortened to 2 minutes apart and became more intense. After an hour, I woke Aaron up and told him we needed to leave.

We arrived at the hospital just before 3am where Wendy checked me and said I was about 5cm dilated. The nurse monitored Nolan and my contractions for a little while and then told me to alternate walking in the halls and resting on the exercise ball or in bed. So that's what we did...for 5 hours. My contractions had slowed when we reached the hospital and I remained at 5cm until the new midwife on call, Mary, checked me again at 8am. She gave me the option of going home to labor longer, or having her break my water to get things moving. I definitely did not want to go home and do this, so we opted for breaking my water. Almost immediately my contractions were much stronger and more regular. I couldn't walk comfortably anymore so I swayed on the exercise ball and breathed through contractions for another couple hours.

The hospital has a jacuzzi tub and my vision had been to labor in there during transition, the hardest part of labor from 7-10cm. When I was really uncomfortable on the ball, I decided to get in the tub, even though I hadn't reached transition yet. I wasn't in there very long when my contractions became almost unbearable. I actually asked the nurse about my options for pain medication but she knew that I had wanted a natural birth, so they moved me to the bed and Mary checked me again--7cm! I had only barely made it to the beginning of transition.

The last few hours of labor are a blur... Mary kept encouraging me to do just one more contraction, or two more contractions, over and over again, and she never mentioned medication and I didn't ask again. I know that I was moaning through contractions, something that I didn't expect. Aaron was doing a great job encouraging me, getting me drinks, and keeping Christmas music playing the whole time. I also remember changing positions a lot--the anterior lip of my cervix would not dilate and I had to move around to try to make it go away. The worst part of the whole thing was probably the last half hour before I began pushing--I had the horrible urge to push and wasn't able to--Mary didn't want me to bruise or tear my cervix. Eventually, she held the little edge of my cervix out of the way so I could begin pushing. When I got the ok, I assumed it must be nearly over, but I pushed for an hour and a half--the hardest and sweatiest full body workout of my life. And, it turns out that Nolan was much bigger than anyone expected. His shoulders got stuck and he did not cry when he finally came out. The midwife had to cut the umbilical cord (a job Aaron was hoping to have) so that he could be taken across the room to be checked out quickly before Aaron and I got to meet him. Nolan Zachary Riedl was born on 12/16/10 at 1:47pm, weighing 9lbs 8oz and was 21 1/4" long.

Nolan's here! About 20 minutes old...

All bundled up! 12.16.10

Chai Spiced Bread

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup butter, softened

2 eggs

1/2 cup prepared, room temperature black tea

1/3 cup milk

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour

2 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp cardamom

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 tsp cinnamon, divided

1/8 tsp cloves

1 cup powdered sugar

3-5 tsp milk

Grease loaf pan (or use muffin papers to make 12 muffins). Cream granulated sugar and butter. Beat in eggs, tea, 1/3 cup milk, and vanilla (mixture will appear curdled). Wisk in flour, baking powder, cardamom, salt, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, and cloves just until smooth. Pour into loaf pan or spoon into muffin pan. Bake loaf 50-60 minutes at 350 degrees (18 minutes for muffins) or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes in pan and then remove and cool 30 minutes more. For glaze, stir together powdered sugar, remaining 1/2 tsp cinnamon, and enough milk just to make it spreadable. Spread glaze over bread or muffins and let cool completely.