Moving to Portland (Part 3)

The pressures and stresses have become blatantly obvious. My wife and I have been biting back and forth with each other the last few nights. And we have been doing it out of nowhere...one minute we are cuddling, and the next we don't even want to touch each other. Especially me last night, I lost my patience with one stupid little thing that Jen didn't do, and instead of being loving, patient, and gentle, I blew up and started yelling. Before we went to bed, I asked for forgiveness and we made up.

I have discovered what has been happening the past few nights. We haven't been praying. And as it is my role as the husband to lead my wife and to wash her with God's word, I am realizing that my lack of quality leadership is sinful. I have been carelessly expecting her to be perfect when I haven't been responsible with the role that God has placed me in. I have been distracted by worrying about my job instead of just praying to God and giving it to Him every minute of every day. I have been distracted by our stupid Wii and our stupid new video game, Super Smash Bros Brawl (awesome game, but a horrible distraction). Actually, I shouldn't call these things stupid, because they are just things. It is my fault for focusing on them more than God and my wife.

A relationship with God is NOT when you get up in the morning, drive to work, work, drive home, watch a little tv, and go to bed. A relationship with God is a life of conversation with Jesus. It's acknowledging every day the role that He was placed in to sacrificially die so that we don't have to die. And thanking Him for that. With our lives. I'm starting to think more and more that the "little luxuries" in our lives are just more crap that get in our way of our relationship with God.

I don't feel like I have a good relationship with God. I have a good relationship with Jen because I actually talk with her and spend time with her. I can't say that about my relationship with God. Over the years I have let myself believe that I talk with God by "thinking in my mind" all throughout the day with Him. I'm starting to believe that is ridiculous. A real life sold out for Jesus is a constant thankful conversation with Him. Prayer is essential because it is how we communicate. There is no relationship apart from communication.

We are going through tough times now. We are moving to a different state without enough income yet to apply for an apartment. These are the kind of stresses that test a marriage. If we can't have a good relationship with God in these tough times, then what is it going to be like when we have kids? What is it going to be like 10 or 20 years down the road? When we are more tired and more exhausted from the many more stresses of life?

Jen and I keep saying how we can't wait for all the stress of moving to be over. But that's silly because once this problem is gone, another one will pop up. That's what life is: dealing with stress. We just need to know how we are going to deal with it. Will it be with or without a good relationship with Jesus? We know that we want to build our marriage and our future on a rock that won't collapse in times of pain and stress. We need to do things differently.

Moving to Portland (Part 1)
Moving to Portland (Part 2)
Moving to Portland (Part 3)

Moving to Portland (Part 2)

Jen and I both dislike relocating. In the past 5.5 years that she has moved away from her family in Arizona, she has moved 5 times. In the past 6.5 years that I have moved away from my family in Oregon, I have only moved once. However, I am a creature of routine and any change is hard on me.

There are some things that I enjoy about the moving process. For example, last night I was packing up our books into boxes. I have fun packing boxes because it is similar to working on a jigsaw puzzle. I kept moving around the books inside the boxes until finally they all fit in! Success! Thankfully that's one way that I keep from going crazy in this transition period.

We both like to compare this time with the stresses of finals week when we were still in school. The date slowly builds up and we realize how much work we actually have to do before we move, and we can't wait until it's over.

Since we are both still in the "interviewing" stages of getting a job, we aren't financially stable enough to apply for an apartment. So we are planning on staying with some gracious friends who are willing to take us in until our financial situation stabilizes.

I was reading Acts 9 this morning, and at the end of the chapter it mentions that Peter stayed with some guy that likely was another believer who opened his home to him. It's verses like these that we usually overlook. It's not a big deal, he just stayed with that guy. So what? But it's tough times like these that I am in with my wife, that we appreciate seeing God's work through our friends who can open their home to us in our time of need. These little verses mean a lot more to us now, being in the same position as Peter...without a place to live two weeks from now.

Seeing God working through the tough times of life is refreshing. I'm not saying that we are really going through that tough of a time. I know that we are relatively wealthy. I know that we are in a situation that isn't as bad as many others less fortunate out there in the world. But what is tough on us right now is the fact that we can't control our future. We don't know if I'm going to get the job I interviewed for. We don't know where our next apartment will be. We don't know how long it will take us to find solidarity in the future. Life is fragile and there are so many unknowns. The only thing left to do is to trust in God's sovereignty, look from an eternal point-of-view, and realize that this is only a little speed bump in the grand scheme of things.

Moving to Portland (Part 1)
Moving to Portland (Part 2)
Moving to Portland (Part 3)

Conference Video/Audio

If you're interested in watching any of the video or listening to audio from the Resurgence Conference I attended a few weeks ago, they just posted all of the media on their website. You can view it here.

Related posts:
Day 0: Sunday
Day 1: Monday
Day 2: Tuesday
Day 3: Wednesday

Moving to Portland (Part 1)

Another big thing that happened to me at the conference was that I received a call for a job interview down in Portland!

I drove down last Friday morning, had lunch with my mom, and then ventured onto the OHSU West Campus for my first job interview since graduating from SPU. The position is very similar to what I am doing right now. Instead of social science office work, which is what I do right now at SDRG, the position would be life science office work. I have been much more interested in administrative work recently, after discovering that biology research isn't for me. I love interacting with people. I love working on the computer. I love detail-oriented work.

Anyway, I feel like the interview went well. I was comfortable talking with all of the 9 people I would be working with. They seemed like great people who all love working together. And did I mention the interview was 3.5 hours long!? Needless to say, I was exhausted afterwards, but excited and thankful that I didn't say anything stupid.

I did my best in the interview. Now it's up to the Lord whether or not I get it. I can rest in His sovereignty. It would be an especially sweet commute to work every day if I did get it... MAX Light Rail five days a week! That'd be the best thing ever!

We are doing things a bit backward in our move to Portland. Most people usually get a job before they move. It makes the process a whole lot easier. But no, not us... we knew that we would be moving in March whether or not we were employed. My current position ends at the end of the month, so Jen and I decided that it was the best time to pick up and settle down closer to family and friends. We have been looking for jobs over the past couple months, but with the date getting closer and closer, the stress builds more and more.

Moving to Portland (Part 1)
Moving to Portland (Part 2)
Moving to Portland (Part 3)

Post-Conference Thoughts

Well, one of the big impacts the conference had on me was the fact that I know that God isn't calling me to be a pastor right now. After wrestling and praying over what I should do with my life in the future, God confirmed it for me.

I could argue that it was just time that passed which solidified my direction, or maybe just the anticipation of the event. But I think that it was the fact that I was seeking God's path for me.

There were many wonderful pastors at the conference who shared their hearts to us. Since the conference was generally directed towards pastors and prospective pastors, they talked a lot about what it takes to be a pastor. They talked about needing the power of God through the Holy Spirit to stand up for the Bible in the face of obstacles and critics. It is God who should be calling the pastors to this position. A pastor is a shepherd leading a flock of sheep. They are held responsible for how they lead. It is a big deal.

Even coming back to work after the conference, I had a chat with a co-worker of mine. He seemed deeply hurt by the wrongful behaviors done by pastors such as Ted Haggard and priests like the ones who have abused children in the church. It is so sad to see men who represent the name of Jesus only to see them hurt others around them and misuse the authority that Christ gives them as leaders.

The Bible is clear on the qualifications of leaders in the church. And I don't believe that I am qualified yet. A pastor "must be above reproach," which means being such a good example that they don't have a reason to be criticized. This doesn't mean that they have to be perfect. The key is repenting, being involved in community, and striving to be like Jesus.

I still need to work on some things in my life. I still need to grow deeper with my wife. I still need to read the Bible more (I haven't even read the entire thing, for goodness sakes!). I still need to deepen my relationship with Jesus. Maybe later on in my life God will call me to that honor. I'll wait and see. I plan on going where He wants me to go.

Resurgence Conference Day 3: Wednesday

Jim Gilmore, author of The Experience Economy and Authenticity: What Consumers Really Want, spoke for a second time this morning. He is a business man from Ohio (pretty sure he's a Tribe fan since he's from the Cleveland area and Mark said he's a big baseball fan) who used his background to look at the church and the work pastors do. It is amazing how much is out there in the world that can deviate our perception of God's Word and His plan in the world.

Just a small plug for the food service we got for our lunches during the conference, OrganicToGo.com was so tasty and all organic! Even the plastic sack that the lunch came in had written on it, "Our Earth friendly bags are biodegradable and compostable." I wouldn't expect anything less than that from a conference hosted in the Pacific Northwest. Gotta be good stewards!

I briefly talked with a guy named Dwight who was an older pastor from a small town in Southeastern Washington. It was encouraging talking to a guy that loved Jesus and loved what was going on at an event like this one. It has been great to see such a wide variety of ages and races here, showing the broad diversity that the Gospel reaches out to.

Mark Driscoll ended up not preaching one last message, but instead did Q&A for almost 2 hours. It was such a treat when his wife, Grace, came up with him to answer marital questions. God poured out so much wisdom through the Driscolls to me and many others in the audience.

This afternoon was especially exciting because I received a voicemail about coming down to Portland for a job interview! God certainly has good timing. I'll write more later about how it goes and whether or not God ends up making that the path I travel down. Great ending to such a wonderfully Gospel-centered conference.

In all, it was reported that 46 states and 11 nations were represented there! Wow!

Day 0: Sunday
Day 1: Monday
Day 2: Tuesday
Day 3: Wednesday
Video/Audio here

Resurgence Conference Day 2: Tuesday

Matt Chandler is an amazing preacher. He has a depth and heart unlike any other speaker I have heard. God is using him significantly in the lives of others, not only in the Bible belt, but also around the country and here at this conference. He talked about the difficulty and the necessity of preaching the Gospel in the Bible belt, specifically at his church outside of Dallas. The real issue in churches these days is not traditional versus contemporary. The issue is authentic versus inauthentic. So many churches don't preachers don't teach a Biblical, text-focused, Jesus-is-God-focused Gospel. Way too many consumer churches. Unfortunately it would be too hard for me to articulate the other details of what was preached, so check it out here if you are more interested. (link will be posted ASAP)

John Piper's second message hit me harder than anything I've heard in years. I started to cry when he talked about the fact that pastors must preach what people need to hear instead of what they think they need to hear. And that's God's Truth, even though it's hard sometimes. The sermon audio and notes are on the desiringGod website here. I could clearly feel God in that room and Him using John Piper to encourage so many of these pastors to live up to God's calling of them.

The majority of the afternoon involved Mark Driscoll and Matt Chandler talking to the prospective pastors here for the Acts 29 church planters' boot camp. They provided me helpful perspective by knowing that God isn't calling me to be a pastor right now. I'll talk more about that on a later post.

The Q&A session in the evening with John Piper, Matt Chandler, and Mark Driscoll was hilarious! I will put a link here once it is posted online because if you don't watch anything else, you have to watch this. It really shows how pastors can come together and agree on the Gospel and not always go about proclaiming it using the same methodology. Example: the difference between Piper and Driscoll... one of them hasn't owned a television since he was a teenager and the other one gets the majority of his application from his television. Yet, God is using them both to proclaim the Gospel in the world. Changing lives for Christ. There can be unity instead of division.

Day 0: Sunday
Day 1: Monday
Day 2: Tuesday
Day 3: Wednesday
Video/Audio here